Friday, December 23, 2011

South Carolina, Here We Come!

     Well, this is it.  This'll be my last official post from this neck of the woods.  I just read all your comments on my Christmas treats post, and I thank you all for sharing and appreciate your well-wishes. Dad says it's good to know there are others out there like him.  Probably be his excuse for snacking more now.
     The modem goes back today, and mom will pretty much have the whole place packed up by the time dad gets home.  It's gonna be a busy night.  I hope they maintain their level of cool that they do when they move (riiiight).  I'll be hiding wherever I can find a spot.  Even though I know what's going on I still get nervous.  I don't much care for disruptions.   
     We'll have a few days over the Christmas holiday to get settled, and hopefully I'll be back here within a few days.  The weather's about the same where we're going, but I think I heard we're supposed to be on the second floor, which means there will be more open windows for me to sit in and watch the goings-on.  
     I hope the holidays are fun for all of you, and in case I can't get back before then, have a safe and Happy New Year!!!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Christmas Treats

Well, here we go again.  Dad's been in the Christmas cookies at work, even though he's been working hard (bull) to maintain his awesomely youthful physique (more bull) and well-toned muscular structure (no idea where THAT came from!).  Last week one of the women he works with made some delicious cookies for everyone, and dad struggled throughout the day to keep from opening the box before he got home, where he knew he'd have to share them with mom.
     The other night mom and dad went to a party at work, where there were more cookies.  They both pretty much behaved themselves, though.  And then yesterday dad spotted a box of chocolate-covered cherries on a desk and couldn't help himself. He only ate one.  Okay, maybe it was two.  I think he told mom he only had one, so we'll just leave it at that.  Mom says dad's like a kid in a candy store, and she has to watch him like a child.   Dad just laughs.  And then he'll sit there and rub his stomach and bitch about his weight.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Getting Closer

Just checking in.  We're down to less than a week before we head out to our new place.  Dad's got 5 days left at his job, and although he hates uprooting and starting over, he says he's looking forward to the challenges ahead of him. I think he's getting in over his head, but I also know he's gotten to a point where he says it's time to go.  Mom's got the place turned upside-down.  Not in a messy way, of course.  She's been spending every day while dad's at work, organizing and packing, and we're living amongst piles of boxes.  She's been taking care of lining up things on the other end so that once we're down there everything will fall into place.  We're actually heading out on Christmas Eve day, first thing in the morning (as long as dad's got the truck packed and ready).  I'd offer to help, but I think I'd just end up getting in the way.  Plus, I don't really feel like it.    

Friday, December 16, 2011

Road Trip!

     Well, it's been more than a week since my last post.  Lots going on around here.  Looks like we're moving again.  I guess we'll be going even FURTHER south.  Dad's accepted a job down around Hilton Head Island, South Carolina, and we'll be moving sometime around Christmas Day.  What ARE they- CRAZY?!  Actually, mom says it'll probably be a quiet day on the road, since most normal people will be in nice warm, cozy homes, celebrating the holiday.  Will we?  Nooooo!  What'll we be doing?  Driving for five and a half f*#@%ing hours!
     Just when I get settled in here, and get my routine down pat, WHAM!  Here we go again.  Damn it!  Okay, a little dramatic there.  In all honesty, aside from the stress of a ride in a vehicle and getting used to another home, it doesn't mean much to me.  I hear it's a bigger place, which means more room to explore, and more windows than what we have here.  Dad will be a crew of one, so hopefully he won't come home bitching all the time.  Sometimes it gets annoying.  Sorry dad.  Just saying. 
      Mom and dad got a sneak peek at Hilton Head Island last weekend, and enjoyed what they saw.  They've been talking for some time now about wanting to visit Savannah, GA as well, and this move will have them less than an hour away.  I'll try to get in a last post or two before we actually move, and there may be a slight break between here and getting settled down there, but I'll be back once we find an internet provider that doesn't want an arm, leg, tail, first born, and half a million dollars.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Awww, Ain't I Cute

This is one of my more recent habits.  I've developed this thing with hiding my face when I lay on mom or dad's lap.  Even I'm not sure why I do it.  It's a comfort thing, they say.  They wonder how I can breath, but I have no problem.  Sometimes I make them laugh as I burrow my face, wiggling my head side to side, pressing hard into their belly. Now this one over here, I can't even explain.  I know cats come with their own insulation, but what cat can't resist a soft, warm blanket to cover up with? I'm telling you, once that thing's pulled up around me I curl up those paws, close my eyes, start drooling, and I'm out!

They're Baaack!

     Well, apparently these guys haven't learned their lesson.  These shots are from the third day in a row that they found themselves unable to get out of the dumpster.  Judging by the tattered and torn garbage bags that are scattered throughout the
 dumpster they've been having themselves quite a feast!  This one over here got himself into some discarded white paint.  Someone had tossed a mostly-empty paint bucket liner against the side of the dumpster, and dad first saw the sliding paw marks up the side from where the paint was spilled.  And then he looked off toward the other end and saw the white-pawed one and laughed.  Soon after dad got these pictures he opened the back of the dumpster again, and they hurried off into the woods.  I'll be curious to see if they drop in again today.

Monday, December 5, 2011

What Exercise?

     I hate to be a snitch (no I don't), but there was no working out yesterday by anyone, unless you consider addressing Christmas envelopes and packaging gifts exercise.  Oh, and dad returned a redbox movie.  And heated up some of Saturday's leftovers.  And signed some cards.  Okay, I guess they kind of worked out.
     On a different front, the battle of the rocker continues.  No matter where I'm sleeping, as soon as I see, or even hear mom getting up from her chair I lunge for it.  It's especially comfortable when mom's butt has warmed it for me.  Yesterday dad laughed heartily when I hopped out of his lap and aimed for the rocker, only to find mom racing me back to it.  I stood my ground, sandwiched between the arm of the chair and mom's thigh, refusing to acknowledge defeat.
     Sometimes I find their laughter offensive, but most times I tell myself that they're just two crazy humans that refuse to cater to my every whim and give in to the realization that I am in full control here.
     Sorry, mom and dad, but you know I'm right.  Oh shit, dad just put his book down and is heading this way.  Bye.


Sunday, December 4, 2011

Free Raccoons And Dad's Dietary Transgressions

     Don't worry, all.  There was a door on the back end of the dumpster, and one of dad's co-workers opened it, allowing the little guys to slip out and into the woods safely.

     Mom and dad went to dad's aunt and uncle's last night for dinner, and came back about ten pounds bigger (well dad did, anyway).  I swear, sometimes these two are more like mother and son!  Dad cannot be trusted when it comes to food.  Especially sweets.  They'd made something they called red velvet cake balls, from a recipe dad got from the lady with the "bah humbug"-shirt cat, and took some on a plate with them (they left about eight of them on a tray in the fridge).  They (dad) gorged themselves (himself) on pierogies, sauerkraut, kielbasa and wine, and rounded out the night with a slice of rich, moist gingerbread topped with french vanilla ice cream and one of the cake balls each.
     All were full and drowsy, and after making their way to the overstuffed living room furniture facing the glowing fireplace dad's aunt brought out a huge glass jar full of coconut m+ms.  Of course, she set it down on the table right in front of dad, and he couldn't keep his hand out of the jar.  Mom tried pushing it away, but that didn't deter dad.  Needless to say, dad got plenty of glares from mom, and a stern lecture on not wanting to hear him bitching about his weight after his behavior with the candy.  And then they sent some home with mom and dad.  Along with some leftovers from dinner.  It's going to be a good day around here.  
     I have a feeling mom's going to drag dad off to work out with her.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Dumpster Divers Trapped

     When dad went to work yesterday morning he walked by a roll-off dumpster and thought he heard a noise.  he climbed up to peer over the edge of the dumpster and this is what he found inside.  These poor guys must've climbed in or dropped in from an overhanging tree right over the dumpster, and, after feasting on the contents of garbage bags up at the other end couldn't get themselves out.  They must've camped out for the night on that piece of cardboard, and the four of them were all wrapped up in a tight ball when dad first saw them.  If you look closely at the bottom picture you can see a fifth one (the mom, maybe?) way up at the other end on top of a garbage bag.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like...

Ahhh, winter's in the air.  the leaves have mostly fallen, my fur pretty much stays on my body, the blankets are coming out.  Mom's getting busy with her festive decorating and crafty gift ideas.  Mom loves the holidays, and looks forward to creating hand-made cards and gifts and stuff.  Dad can be a fuddy duddy sometimes, but with mom around it's hard not to get into the spirit of things.  Mom's just a little more... shall we say, enthusiastic about this kind of stuff.  I just like this time of the year because I know the heat will be on sometimes (down here it's not always necessary), although I do miss the open windows.  Here's that picture I told you one of dad's co-workers showed him the other day.  I'm going to find out if they have it in my size.  Maybe I'll get one for dad, too.

Okay, Go Ahead And Laugh

Alrighty then.  Here they are.  I hope you all enjoy a good laugh, because I feel kind of stupid.  Mom and dad ended up having to be satisfied with the photos they got, since I wouldn't sit still for them.  Plus dad's camera sucks. 

        My favorite is the top one.  Pretty much sums up my boredom and lack of enthusiasm with the whole process.  A lady dad works with showed him a picture of her cat wearing a "Bah Humbug" tee shirt.  Gotta get me one of those.                

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Who The Hell Came Up With "Black Friday"?

Well, Thanksgiving ended up pretty quiet, afterall.  Not long after my last post mom opened an email that, as it turns out, shouldn't have been opened, and the computer got sick and started acting funny, as if it had a mind of its own.  And now it'd dead, sort of.  They'd been talking about getting a new one anyway, so they decided to take advantage of something called "Black Friday". 
     Though they'd both heard of this before, neither mom nor dad had ever taken part in the madness, and when they went to the local Best Buy just after midnight they couldn't believe what they saw.  They said there had to be hundreds- maybe even a thousand or more- of people standing in a line that curled along the sidewalk and up around the side of the building!  Actually, half of the reason for going out was for what dad called "shits and giggles", just to see what the world has become. 
     After making their way out of the crowds they headed down to Target, and found the same thing.  You could hardly move inside the store.  Laughing and muttering in disbelief they then drove down the street to WalMart, where the parking lot was crammed worse than they'd ever seen it.  Inside, they passed cart after cart overflowing with flat screen tvs, gaming systems, computers, and all sorts of other loot.  Lines snaked up and down and all around and through the aisles on the way to the checkouts.  Way too many people in one place for mom and dad to tolerate, they left the store, awed, laughing, and shaking their heads.
     To make what dad has been known to make a very long story nice and short, they got this new computer yesterday afternoon, went grocery shopping in the oddly quiet grocery stores (they have to hit four stores when they go, to get the best possible deals these days!), got some wine, and settled in for a quiet, relaxing evening.  I made them get this thing up and running before the wine put them to sleep, so I could catch up on this stuff.
     They said it was nice to go away, and, just so you know (and aren't offended by no invites) I didn't throw a wild party, or trash the place.  I slept.  I knew I would.  You probably did, too.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Sorry, No Creative Post Title Today...

Well, it's been kind of busy around here this week.  The second round of picture-taking didn't go too well, either, and mom and dad aren't too happy with the results.  I think they're going to try once more.  Not sure.  They're also getting ready to go away for an overnight stay somewhere a little further south (actually, it's mom who's doing all the getting ready).  Dad's been coming home from work a little grizzled lately, and he says he's looking forward to the time away.  It'll be a little different than a "normal" or "traditional" Thanksgiving (what the hell is "normal" anyway?!), but they seem to be looking forward to the escape.  I'll have the place to myself, and I might try to get in touch with the black and white guy I see out front now and then, or the cream-colored babe I see across the street.  Maybe they'll want to party.  Or maybe I'll just catch up on some sleep.  I'm gonna ask dad if he'll teach me how to use the remote. 

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Oh my God, I can't believe I'm actually sharing this!  They're still trying to get better shots, but this is one of dad carrying me around.  What he didn't notice was my subtle bird-flipping (see the middle claw?) 

     I must say- I feel quite dapper with the classy collar and bow tie.  The hat makes me feel like a f*@#ing elf, though!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Orbit Good, Hat Bad

     Okay, so the hat-fitting thing didn't go too well.  I don't like having things around my neck or on my head as it is, never mind a combination of the two (see below)!  Mom and dad took a sh*tload of pictures of me, but I refused to sit still for them. The ones I did sit still in look pretty ridiculous, and aren't card-worthy.  I'll get pictures on here, but only when one comes out good.  Which means you'll probably never see one.  Ever.  They'll probably have to use a stand-in, if they can find one.
     I think I'll sneak into their room tonight and stick that Santa hat on one of them and take THEIR picture.  Maybe I'll get creative with the hat placement, and don't even get me started on the silly-assed collar and bow tie they think I'm going to sport.  The more I think about it, the more I can't wait for tonight.  Now if I can only find where mom put that hat and collar...

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Dear mom and dad;

                                                                                              I'm sorry.
p.s.- No, this is not a retaliatory turd.  It happened before you made me try on the hat.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Just stuff

Oh dear.  Mom and dad went to Petco again today.  They went to get a stupid tiny Santa hat that they think I'm going to sit still in for a Christmas card photo (HA! to them!!).  They spent more time outside the store petting and talking to all the poor caged cats and dogs trying to find homes than they did inside.  They say they wish they could bring all of them home, but I know they don't mean that.  Do they? 
     After that, they had to go pick up my special food at the veterinarian place, and while mom was paying for my food dad found his way into the room behind the glass with the cages and played with a couple of cats housed in there.  I sure hope they're not planning to bring one home.  Ever.   

Friday, November 11, 2011

And Then There Was Smug

This was the first cat dad had on his own after moving out of the home he grew up in.  A daring young lad of 17 (about a hundred years ago), he forged a path north and west, settling into a tiny cottage down the hill from a quaint B+B where he'd gotten a job as a cook, and found Smug wandering around in the parking lot, all skinny and ratty looking.  The two of them bonded instantly, and Smug's coat grew in thick and lush and he put on a few pounds to help keep him warm up there in the chilly New England winter. As with me and Isaac (do you see a pattern here?) dad and Smug were like best friends, and Smug especially liked the treats dad brought home from the restaurant.  Dad tried to keep Smug inside, but he got out once, after living with dad for about a year, and never came back. 

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Just A Little More Isaac

Here are some other shots of Isaac in all his loving, comfy glory.  As you already know by the previous photos with me, Isaac loved to cuddle.  This one was taken with his son, Fluff Fluff, and it's one of dad's all-time favorites.

Boxes were also good places to nap, as is evident by this picture of Isaac with Samantha, A sweet girl that used to live with dad's family and Isaac.  Despite how it looks she was very comfortable.  She, too, has been gone for years now. 

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Too Early

Quiet morning here.  Mom and dad woke up when there was still a 3 on the clock.  I think I woke dad up climbing on his legs.  He's kind of grizzled, and not too friendly right now, and his eyes are still asleep.  Mom's in their room trying to read herself back to sleep.  Could be a rough day around here...

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Isaac And Me

The big boy using me for a pillow
How's this for a sultry pose?!
      Captain Procrastinator finally got around to learning how to scan some old photos for my blog (actually, mom showed him a long time ago, but he says he forgot), so I finally get to share an intimate part of myself with you.

     As I mentioned in a previous post my best friend and "brother" Isaac and I were very close, and often slept together.  I know some cats are just... cats, but Isaac and I were like lovers.

      Okay, I'll admit that's kind of weird, but it was very innocent.  We simply liked to wrap ourselves together for the warmth, and could often be found this way.   As much as I like being an only cat, I sure do miss him!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Thanks... And Stuff

I want to take a moment on this dark, windy morning to say a big "Thank You" for all your very kind, positive comments on my peace post and pix (say THAT fast three times!).  I appreciate all of you, my new friends.  But now, I must return to my normal ways.

     "Don, da da don, da da don don don..." mom sang as she sprung (sprang? springed?) from the rocker.  Mom loves her rocker.  It was her dad's, God rest his gentle soul.  She finds great comfort in that chair.  Unfortunately for her, so do I, and we occasionally find ourselves in a standoff of sorts.  So last night she and dad were watching t.v., and she had to pee, and when a commercial came on (as they so f*#%ing often do) she jumped from the chair and sprinted for the scary room.  I just happened to be nearby (I was just walking around the living room, sniffing everything and poking around corners and shit, as if I'd just discovered stuff for the first time) and saw mom rise from the rocker, so I immediately lunged for it.
     Mom saw what I had in mind, so she turned around and raced back toward the chair, plopping into it just as I was about to jump up.  Ohh, was I pissed!  I just turned and walked away all cool and nonchalant, trying to do my best to make them think I didn't really want to sit there anyway.
     This happens often, this race for the rocker.  Sometimes I'm slow and sneaky, sometimes it goes like this.  They find it very funny.  I'm so glad I'm here for their entertainment. 
     Just so you're not all fooled into a false sense of dad's-such-a-sweet-guy-ness, the other night I was having one of my moments where I just lay in some random spot on the floor, usually turned away from mom and dad.  Apparently, dad thought it would be funny to kick off his slippers, one at a time, and they just happened to fly in my direction.  I don't think I've ever jumped so high, or heard dad laugh so hard. It scared the crap out of me, I'm not ashamed to admit, and mom came over, picked me up, and comforted me, tossing fierce, scolding words at dad.  She's right- for a handsome, manly (his words, not mom's) nice guy, he can be such an A-hole!

Friday, November 4, 2011

Our Peace

Not to go against the peace blog grain, but besides me these are a few things that bring a sense of peace to mom and dad.  The sun, the salt air, the water- whether smooth and glassy, or foamy and turbulent- all contribute to making it all worth it for them.     

For most of us there isn't enough time these days to truly enjoy what makes us happy, so make the most of it and take every opportunity you get to immerse yourself in whatever it is that gets you through the day.  Enough said.


Thursday, November 3, 2011

Go Get A Coffee- Kind Of A Long Dad-post

I know everyone likes to think their cat is the sweetest, cutest, most cuddly, etc., but I have to say- everyone should have a cat like orbit.  In these, his "golden" years he has turned so soft and mushy (though he still has his crusty moments), and provides my wife and I with more head butts, conversations, evil stares, and overall entertainment than we ever expected.  We can't even have a private moment together.  Orbit can be asleep in the living room, and in the time it takes for us to get under the covers at bedtime and open our books there he is, popping up onto the bed.  
     I know the head butt thing is getting old, but we'll never get tired of them.  Orbit's gotten to where he automatically walks up to my wife's face and goes right for her nose or forehead, sometimes two and three times.  Once he's received our approval in this way he turns and settles himself onto the comforter right between my wife's legs (don't say it!).  Occasionally, he'll come to me for the head butts and ignore his mom, which I find extremely amusing.  
     Just about every day, when I get home from work he jumps down from wherever he's been sleeping and walks up to me, his meows growing louder and louder.  He's learned that, by doing this in any situation he'll get the attention he feels entitled to.   We usually sit on the loveseat at the coffee table for our meals, and he's gotten into the habit of jumping up onto the loveseat before we actually get to it, and settling in just behind one or the other of us.  As soon as we finish eating he gets up and immediately gets onto our lap.  I know some people say cats can't be "trained", but he's gotten to be such a creature of habit.  
     I had given orbit up several years ago when I couldn't have him where I'd been living, and when I first got him back after that I was concerned that he and my wife wouldn't take to each other.  Boy, was I wrong!  They are inseparable.  She treats him like a child, which is a great comfort to me, and she's said she's never seen a cat quite like him.
     I know orbit won't be here forever, but we're going to make the remaining years of his life the best any cat could ever want.  He deserves at least that much.  He is, after all, the sweetest, cutest, most cuddly.......

Tuesday, November 1, 2011


Dad's harmless.  Really.  Honest.  Wouldn't hurt a flea.  Don't judge a book by its cover.  It's only makeup.  It comes off.  I'm serious.  In case you're really scared, I'll post one of his many "nice" photos he's taken around Wilmington.

    See?  Isn't that pretty?

Trick Or Treat!

     Yesterday was Halloween, and mom and dad had a handful of visitors last night, mostly pint-sized, who came to our front door, mumbled "Trick or treat", then turned and left for the next door after trying to empty the bowl mom had filled so lovingly with little bundles of sweets neatly wrapped with orange and black ribbon.  Mom loves holidays, and really gets into the festiveness of the occasion.  She's even gotten dad (old fart that he is) into it.  Dad had a real shitty day at work, but mom, done up in her best attempt to look like my kind, couldn't help but nudge him, without pushing, into the spirit of things.
     They also carved jack-o-lanterns the other day, making a huge mess on the kitchen floor.  Again , if it wasn't for mom, old fuddy duddy probably wouldn't participate.  He used to, for the kids' sake, but they're all grown now.  Dad says sometimes it's like having a kid around again.  I think that's a compliment.  I'll know once mom reads this.
     Mom likes to greet the kids at the door, and she was pretty sure that at least a couple of the tiny visitors were repeat customers, having knocked on the door only half an hour or so earlier.  Things quieted down by eight or so, and they shut off the lights, brought in the pumpkins, and sat down to enjoy what was left of the candy.  Okay, maybe they left a few things. Mom made a pretty cute cat, but dad, in his attempt to imitate a jack-o-lantern, just plain scared me.  I'm thinking serial killer...

Sunday, October 30, 2011

What A Difference 863 Miles Makes!

Mom, dad and I have been watching the weather up north where we're from, and although we do miss some people we certainly don't miss the snow.  Actually, it's mom and dad that don't miss it- I never had to do anything with it.  Dad got sick of shoveling, and mom just plain hates to be cold.  An October storm isn't anything unusual up there, but it's still fun to think about what we don't have to deal with any more. This weekend is a little chilly here, but it's nothing like what's going on in New England at this moment, so I'm posting some shots of what we (okay, mom and dad) love most about living down south.  The beach in the fall is a lot less crowded than in the summertime, and that makes mom and dad very happy.  They'd spend every waking minute by the water if they could.  Of course, that would suck for me since I hate water.  Anyway, not to be mean, but here's to all you folks back home, shoveling, scraping and digging your way out.  Oh- and good luck trick-or-treating in that shit!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Ahh, Mornings

Thanks a lot, dad.  I'd just fallen into a deep, deep sleep.  Dad just got up about 45 minutes ago, and I followed him out to the rocker in the living room where he sits to read.  He finds it amusing that I sit in front of him looking up, as if I need HIS approval to sit on his lap.  I jumped right up and curled myself into a tight ball, then instantly went into sleep/drool mode.  It felt like we'd only just sat down when he sucked the last drop of his first cup of coffee, then picked me up under my arms and set me down on the nicely warmed cushion as he groaned to a standing position.  Dad's lap has been a perfect nap spot for years. 
     This is a sort of self-portrait he did in something called "Paint" on the computer years ago, when my old buddy and "brother" Isaac owned his lap.

     The two of them were almost inseparable.  That's Isaac with the tiger stripes, and that's dad in the really awesome green sweats, looking down while using the mouse with his right hand. 
     Well, dad just refilled my food and water, and needs to get on here, so I'm gonna go annoy mom by climbing up her body and talking her awake.  As much as she needs her sleep I know she'll lovingly turn over so that I can bury myself in the nice warm folds of the comforter on top of her.  She's still asleep, but she won't mind.  She lives for my comfort and happiness.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

A Kind Of Nothing-To-Say Day

Well, not much to say today.  Mom and dad went to the library yesterday for their fix, so that means I won't be spending quite as much time in here for now.  They came home with another stack of books, and even though dad tries to split his time "evenly" between reading and writing, he has a hard time putting a book down once he starts it.
     He's really good at making excuses, and he's a horrible procrastinator (wow, that was a hard word to say, never mind to spell!).  He says he wishes he had more time to spend on both (reading and writing), but life and work have to get in the way.  He and I have to split his early morning quiet time on the computer, something that he doesn't like to do sometimes, especially when he has lots to write.  He says he'd do more of each at night if he could stay awake long enough.  He's told me that he's thought about getting up at 3:30 or so, but then he'd probably fall asleep at work before the end of the day!
     Mom says he's an old fart like me, because he's always falling asleep while they're watching t.v.  I say there's nothing wrong with sleeping. 
     Mom's also concerned that she comes across as a bad person in some of these posts, so let's get it straight right now:  she's the coolest mom in the world, and I wouldn't trade her for anything or anyone.  Especially when she gives me the good food (even though I'm not supposed to be able to tell there's that pepcid shit in there!).  Anyway, dad needs to get on now, so bye.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Let Me Explain

Hmmm, seems a good handful of you feel that my little poo poo boo boo was in retaliation for the the litterbox photo incident.  Well, I have to be honest- it wasn't, since mom's the one who got stuck cleaning up after me.  Dad's the one who's gonna be the target for that one.  First, though, I have to either learn how to use a camera, or pay mom to do it for me.  Either way, I know she'd love to play along.
     I just simply pooped on the floor.  That's it.  I might've just gotten confused, what with the age of my brain and all.  They keep my box extremely clean, and I've used one for many years.  The part that even confuses me is that it was way around the corner and in another room.  Behind a small table.  Near their shoes.  Just a brain fart, I guess.  Thank you all for your support, and yes, mom has forgiven me.  She did pretty much later that day because I'm just so damn loving and cute.  And she's a really nice lady.  I love you, mom.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011


THIS JUST IN- orbit has pooped on the floor.  Sources quote his mom as saying she was very, very angry with orbit, and when his dad came home for lunch orbit wasn't allowed to come out from under the bed where he was hiding in embarrassment.  He tried, but was immediately scolded, which sent him scurrying back into hiding.  Though his dad was reportedly sad and wanted to comfort his spoiled little baby, his mom was adamant that he remain under detention and she made it very, very clear that dad was in no way to pamper or coddle orbit.  It wasn't clear at press time whether or not orbit's mom had forgiven him.

Break's Over, Dad

Dad's gone back to work this week.  He was on vacation last week- something he said was more of a sanity break- and I tried oh so many times to get a shot of him in the scary room to pay him back for that picture of me, but I just couldn't get it.  I've let it go.  I'm the bigger person.
     It was nice having him around more than usual.  I got more cuddle time.  As sappy as that sounds, I really enjoy the lounge time on dad.  Hmm, dad's arm is almost as hairy as me!  His week off started with the aforementioned birthday celebration, and went by too fast, he said.  Relaxation and not thinking about work were his goals, and he accomplished both, though mom kept him going with appointments, errands and stuff.  "Gotta keep him active," she said.  "He is getting up there," she whispered (to me). 

Saturday, October 15, 2011

How Would You Like To Be Enclosed With Your Own Stink?!

This is orbit doing his... business.  Even though there isn't too much that bothers him, he was too embarrassed to post this picture for the world to see, but I thought it was hilarious.  Payback's a bitch, I know, and I'm sure he'll find a way to get even.
     He steps into his box, and within a few seconds out pops his head.  Every now and then I'll think it's funny to talk to him while he's taking care of his needs, but he just ignores me, concentrating on the floor in front of the box.  Besides being the greatest pet in the world, he's also extremely entertaining (at times).  He'll be furious with me for this.  I can hear him sharpening his claws as I type.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Dad's 50th

Hooray!  Dad just turned 50!!  Though the day was meant for dad, I got to enjoy (though only briefly because of my very short attention span) some sparkly ribbons from his gifts.  Mom wrapped one big box and one little one, and after dad opened them and he and mom enjoyed champagne and chocolates (sounds cliche, I know, but that's what they did) I took a few swats at the ribbon dangling from the loveseat cushion.  Mom put the box from one of dad's gifts on the floor, knowing I'm the curious type, and they waited to see if I would go into it.
     I checked it out a few times, and every time one of them tried to get my picture while I was in there I'd slip right back out, bored.  Dad got some really cool new toys for work, including something called a Shop Vac, which, when dad plugged it in sounds suspiciously like the thing mom uses to suck up my fur that seems to find its way into every nook and cranny.  Hah!  Nook and cranny- that just sounds funny.  I know, sometimes I can be so juvenile. I hate when I see mom pull that damn thing out.  At my age you'd think I'd be used to stuff, but it still scares me into hiding.  Dad says his new one will stay in his truck.  Whew!  Anyway, after a while mom wanted to clean up the living room, so she flattened the box and put it in the recycling bin.  End of story. 

     Mom got up at an insane hour while dad snored away like a wild boar, and pasted little tiny 50's all over the kitchen wall.  She wanted dad to see them when he went out for his first coffee.  Sometimes dad can be clueless, and he said he didn't see the little 50's right away, but he certainly couldn't miss the cabinets over the coffee maker!  Happy Birthday, you old fart!

Friday, October 7, 2011

Oh, Lets Take Kitty For A Walk, They Said...

Once upon a time there was a cat named orbit who had a mom and dad that thought it would be cool to buy a leash and collar for leisurely strolls outside. After cornering poor kitty (he knew something was up as soon as he  caught a glimpse of the bondage gear) and strapping on the paraphernalia (on him, not themselves) they went outside and cooed like proud parents as orbit wandered a bit through some weeds, sniffing everything he encountered.  Once they tugged the leash to get him to walk out on the pavement this is what he did.  And he stayed there.  That's what he thinks about being restrained!  So there.  Ha ha to you, mom and dad.  You might as well return that shit for a refund. 

Thursday, October 6, 2011


I've been loving this cooler weather these past few days!  Mom and dad are wearing more clothes, and I've been more cuddly with them than ever before.  This extreme comfort, however, comes with heavier-than-usual drooling.  I don't brush my teeth, couldn't if I tried, and mints and mouthwash don't do anything for me.  Mom and dad love it when I curl up on them, but hate what I leave behind.  Sometimes it's just a little spot, but other times I leave a slimy dab of foul-smelling gooze (I made that word up) that has them scrunching up their noses in disgust. 
     Dad said something must've crawled in my mouth and died, but he should talk.  Sometimes when he comes out of the scary room with the white chair it smells like..., oops- better not share too much since he edits these posts.  Sorry dad.  

Saturday, October 1, 2011


Umm, dad just read my last post and made me sit down and correct my goof.  The aforementioned stiff breezes PRECEDED the storm last night.  They did not PROCEED it.  Nobody's perfect.  I'm gonna look over some of his writings and pick out errors.  See how HE feels!  Good night.

Random Stuff

Well, it' been almost a week, and I haven't spewed yet!  I guess that's a good thing.  On an unrelated note I did, however, drop a bomb of sorts on the floor in front of my litterbox... again.  Sorry mom and dad.  I'm glad the weather has turned cooler.  It means they'll be covering up with the blankets, and possibly wearing more clothes, so I'll have all my favorite sleeping places again.  Last night a storm came up suddenly, and the stiff breezes that proceeded it brought something through the windows.  I'm not sure what it was, but boy, did it get my attention!
     I jumped right up on the back of the loveseat and pressed against the screen and just sniffed and sniffed to no end.  And then I lost interest.  Mom and dad are always making fun of me and my attention span.  They laughed at me yesterday because I was walking away from them and, as I do often, suddenly felt the need to wash.  I turned to my side to lick, got off balance, and fell over.  I tried to be cool about it and make them think I planned that move, but I think they knew it wasn't intended, by their laugh.  I just got up quick-like and walked away from them.  Dad laughed the hardest, so I'm going to pay him back when he least expects it by walking in front of him, making him trip.  I've done it before, and I won't hesitate to do it again.  Then we'll see who laughs, big boy!
     Maybe I'll wait a few days, though.  I think dad's not too happy with me this morning because, even though I heard him say something to mom last night about sleeping in today, I woke his ass up at 4:12.  I sat in their doorway talking loudly.  I think I just wanted attention, and I can't tell time.  He'll get over it.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

And Then There Are People Who Don't Suck

Yesterday I heard dad telling mom how a lady he works with showed him a couple of kittens that she rescued from nearby.  She'd put them in a carrier (eek!)  and had them in the bathroom at the office.  Then he said another lady in the office told him "Come on, don't you think orbit would like a new friend?".
     Dad said something that sounded foreign to me- something about, I don't know, taking them home or some shit like that- but I think he was under the influence of something.  They know damn well that this is a one-cat home, if they know what's good for them.  If they even consider bringing another cat into this house they're going to find out first-hand what their security deposit is going to be used for!  Gotta go sharpen the claws...

So Far So Good

Well, they don't know that I can tell, but the slightly off-taste of the pepcid is a small price to pay for the tasty morsels of canned food I don't get too often!  I haven't heaved recently, but I think it's still too early to tell.  Thank you for all your kind, positive feedback, and let's hope this works!

Thursday, September 22, 2011


Well, dad sat me down and had a talk with me yesterday.  He and mom have been concerned with the frequency of my puking up clear, frothy liquid (his words, not mine) lately, especially after I eat or drink, so he called my doctor.  Seems I've developed some slight kidney issues recently, and was put on a special diet (dad has to save up several paychecks for the special food they have to buy, but I'm worth it, dammit!) (my words, not his), and the doctor said things might be more serious than she thought, or she might need to "try something different" as far as my treatment goes.
     She did, however, suggest something for them to try in the meantime, and said to let her know how it goes.  I guess I'm supposed to take something called Pepcid, and I'm not looking forward to that since I don't do pills well. Apparently the nausea and vomiting are caused by my kidney problem, and this is supposed to quell my need to spew (no one in particular's words- I just wanted to say that).  I like catching mom and dad off guard, though I must say I've gotten good at giving them clues to my gastrointestinal distress.  I've never been one to "meow" as cats should.  I have my own unique way of talking, but when I feel I'm going to upchuck (I just want to see how many different ways I can say "puke") I start chomping my jaw as if I'm chewing and swallowing something, then I'll let out a low, distressed-sounding warbleymeowwerow, and within seconds I start heaving.
     So today mom's supposed to pick up some of this pepcid shit, and we'll see how it goes. As much as I love getting the rare treat of canned food I've gotten good at sensing when something's been hidden in it, and I'll either eat around it, or just sniff it and walk away.  They even got one of those plastic things that lets them "shoot" a pill at the back of my throat a while back for something else, but they've since gotten rid of that.  Now dad is supposed to place the pill as far back in my throat as he can manage (without me biting his finger off) and massage my throat, forcing me to swallow.  We'll see how this all goes.

Monday, September 19, 2011

People Can Suck

Yesterday mom and dad went out for a while and, while pulling into a parking space dad noticed a bunch of animal cages in front of Petco.  They walked over there and, sure enough, there was an adoption spree going on.  Cages were lined up along the front of the store and people were milling about, some holding kittens and some just trying to talk to the poor things that were housed in the cages.
     There were a few dogs there as well, but most of the cages held cats and kittens.  Thorough documentation was clipped to the front of the cages, and dad noticed at least one that stated "My owner didn't want me anymore".  There are so many cats and kittens out there that need loving homes, and I'm sure there are so many more that are suffering in homes that shouldn't be allowed the honor of having pets. 
     I hope that by the end of the day most of those poor things found new homes, and I'm reminded of my indebtedness to dad for rescuing me and, together with mom providing me with a loving home.  But I'm still a little grizzled for the combing thing.  

Sunday, September 18, 2011


Oh, these two are really pissing me off!  They had to go and spoil a perfectly lazy Sunday afternoon by combing me again!  Don't they realize I can do my own grooming?  So I swallow some hair now and then!  So I occasionally puke!  GET OVER IT ALREADY!! 

     Okay, if I sit nice and still for them I'll be rewarded with some sort of treat afterwards.  BFD!  I still don't like being combed.  I hope they read this. Oh shit!  here they come.  Gotta go

Friday, September 16, 2011

A Perfect Morning

As much as I've talked about sitting with mom and dad it's been quite a while since I've curled up on dad's lap when he sits and reads in the early morning hours.  This morning, however, I felt that I needed some quality dad time.  Long, long time ago, when dad lived  by himself I was always right there on his lap in the morning, but as time went by and new faces came along and new situations arose we kind of got away from that routine.  Enter mom, with whom I've bonded like I'd never have imagined. 
     I'd slept out in the living room, and I awoke to dad stirring at around four this morning as he shuffled out to the kitchen for his first cup of coffee.  I followed him lazily and sat next to him while he stirred his lifeblood, then followed him out to the loveseat.  Once he was comfortably situated I hopped up onto his lap and settled right in, nuzzling my cool, wet nose and forehead against his right arm and instantly, it seemed, falling asleep.
     I only left a tiny, stinky spot of drool on his stomach, and once he'd drained his coffee cup I stretched and headed for the empty side of the loveseat while he rose with a groan and went for a refill.  The whole time he read I could sense, through my sleep-haze, that he was stroking my back gently and scratching my neck, and it made me realize just how good I have it here. 

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Milestone For Dad

As he does every morning dad got on the scale yesterday and was sooo happy to see that he'd finally hit a new low of 170!  He says he hasn't seen that weight since long before I came along.  He and mom have been working at getting fit and trying to eat healthy (they think they're going to outlive me!), although it's really mom's persistence and vigilance that has kept dad on track.  She says that if it were up to dad he'd still have the horrible eating habits he's had for many years.  Mom's been doing good, too, and has reached a weight she's happy with, but wants to go further.  I'd tell you her weight, but I don't think she'd be very happy if she knew I told you.  Enough about them.  This is, afterall, my blog!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Indecision, Comfort and Bathing

Why can't I just sit down?  Why is it that, to find just the right position I have to circle a spot once, twice, maybe even a third time, then twist myself into my favorite position?
     I have this same problem going from point A to point B.  I decide I want to sit up on the back of the loveseat, for example, and instead of going from where I'm standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DAMN THING I jump up onto mom's lap in her rocker next to it, jump onto the arm of the loveseat, step over dad's lap and across the cushion, then, finally climb up onto the back of it.  What, exactly did God have in mind when he gave feline's their thought process and decision-making skills?  Or how about their inability to feel shame?  I seem to have no problem whatsoever plopping down on mom or dad's lap, or on top of them in their bed and lifting my leg to start lapping at my privates.  Sometimes I even manage to lift both legs, my feet high in the air, and just go to town washing my already-neurotically-obsessively-cleansed groin area. 
     And while I'm on a roll here, why do I have to walk over my food and water dishes, turn around, and sit at them from behind with my back to the wall?  Why can't I just approach them from the front and eat and drink?

Saturday, September 10, 2011


So the other night I'm doing my thing in my litterbox, and I casually step out and walk back over to the loveseat, where the three of us had been sitting until I got the urge to poop.  As always, I stop in the middle of the floor to wash up, and dad suddenly got up and stepped over me on his way toward the room where my box is.  Mom watched him bend down for a closer look and there, about five feet away from my box sat a lone ball of poop!  If I were capable I might be embarrassed, but I don't think we cats can feel such emotions.  Apparently, I've done this before.  I guess that, because I'm such an obsessive groomer I get lots of hair in my system, and, once in a while after I'm done doing my business I don't realize that something's stuck, and it'll drop on my way out of the litterbox.  I guess.  Sound plausible to you?  I get the feeling they think I do it on purpose.  Is there something wrong with me?  Have I shared too much? 

Friday, September 9, 2011

A Quick Correction

I just realized I worded something poorly in my last post, and I need to set the record straight (especially before mom reads it!):

Where  I mentioned using the pillows on the bed I said, in parentheses "the real ones, in this case.  Not mom's".  This was not meant to imply that mom's pillows aren't real.  I was talking about the actual bed pillows, not mom's, umm..., bosom, which I'd referred to as pillows in a previous post.  Sorry mom, if you read that last post.  Oh, and don't be mad at dad.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

On Loveseats, Warm Spots, and, Well, Whatever

As much as I love sitting with mom and dad I occasionally only want their warm spot.  Whether in the bed or out in the living room, if I see a place I want to curl up in, I'm going to do everything in my power to get it.  As  happens quite often, the other night we were sitting together on the loveseat (who the hell named it that?) when mom needed to get up for something.  I was in dad's lap, purring away, and the three of us were watching tv.  Just as soon as mom got up I watched her walk away, then got up and stole her spot.  Mom's is a multipurpose butt, you could say- it provides a nice little place to rest against at night, and it preheats the loveseat cushion for my comfort and pleasure.
     Sometimes mom will be sitting in her favorite rocker, and if I notice her getting up I'll jump up into it, and when she comes back we'll fight over who gets to sit in it!  Once again, mom is usually more forgiving and flexible.  Dad got up the other night, and I saw my chance to slip into his warm spot, and when he came back I just ignored him (one of my finer traits), and he turned and bent and just started to sit on me!  Can you believe the nerve?!  There I was, this gentle, old, love-giving pleasure-providing creature, and the shadow of this giant ass is hovering over me, threatening to squash me into the cushion!
I stuck it out and refused to budge, but because he's bigger than me (and ONLY because he's bigger than me!) he won his spot back.  Usually, he'll pick me up and try to get me to stay in his lap, but by then I'm so pissed that I refuse to sit with him, so I'll jump off his lap and go sulk somewhere. 
     I do the same thing in the bedroom.  Up gets the human, over goes the kitty!  I even like to use the pillows (the real ones, in this case.  Not mom's) to rest my head against.  They find this so damn cute!  I always seem to know when it's bedtime, too.  I usually head into the room, stop in the doorway, and turn and talk, trying to get their attention.  I can't tell time, I just have this built-in thing that tells me it's time for bed.  Sometimes I'm off, but I'll say this- they get confused, too.  I'll see them head into the room so, thinking it's bedtime I'll get up from wherever I'm sleeping and head in there.  I'll jump up onto the bed, but for some weird reason they're not laying still under the covers.  My favorite place is unavailable, and they're moving around a lot and doing strange (to me, anyway) things and making weird noises.  I just can't figure these two out.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Curiosity did WHAT?!

Is it just me, or are cupboard doors intriguing to all of us?  I love making mom and dad think we have a ghost in here.  Dad will get up some mornings, and on his way to the coffee find a cupboard door or two hanging wide open.  It's just me, exploring, and I like pulling the closet door open, too.  It's funny- I open the same few doors around this place, sometimes day after day.  You'd think I'd get bored peeking into the same places.  Why do I do that?
     Sometimes, if mom and dad see me doing this, he'll get up and sneak over behind me and watch, and once I'm inside the closet or cupboard he'll close the door on me!  Mom usually feels sorry for me, but I think dad has a mean streak, and enjoys watching me push open the door from inside.  Sometimes I panic and come rushing out, but sometimes, if I'm embarrassed, I'll just kind of saunter out and look at them, as if it didn't bother me that he tried to lock me in there.  Apparently they find this all very entertaining. One of these days I'm gonna surprize dad by locking HIM into the closet or something.  Maybe I'll lock him outside.  Then I'll sit in the window and laugh at him.  See how he likes it!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

I Sleep, Therefore I Am... and other stuff

I think my job here is to get as much sleep as I possibly can.   One thing mom, dad and I have in common is our love of the sun.  They go out every chance they get (leaving me with the whole place to myself) to what they call the beach.  They have this whole routine- the cooler, the water bottles, sandwiches, some slimy stuff mom always puts on her skin (and yells at dad for not using!), and they're off.  When they come back they're always tired, and I swear they seem a little darker. 
     I take the easy way.  Why go through all that shit, when you can just plop right down in a spot of the comfy, golden stuff right in your own home. Sunlight is like a drug to me.  Not that I need an excuse to nap, of course.
     One good thing about the approaching cooler weather is that I know mom and dad will be using blankets.  Well, mom, at least.  As much as I love to sleep on their laps I still prefer a soft, warm cover to their bare skin, or even these shorts-things they have on all the time.  I've curled up on dad's lap for most of my life, but I've grown quite accustomed to mom's since we met, and I know I'll get more mom-lap time since (sorry, mom!) she's always cold. 
     By the way- Thanks, mom, for rearranging the living room.  The lengths these humans will go to for my comfort is amazing!  Now I can sit atop my favorite loveseat and look out the front window more easily.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Back To The Sarcophagus

So anyway, I'm sure some of you will find it weird, but the sarcophagus is Isaac's final resting place.  Dad had him cremated individually, and his ashes are in there with pictures of him and dad together.  I'm just glad that he's here with us.  I think that mom finds it a little uncomfortable, but she's accepted it.  I think.  Maybe.  Not sure.
      I gave mom and dad a scare a couple of years ago.  I started having problems with my ears, and what they thought was an ear infection turned out to be a small tumor.  It was kind of gross- the fluid from the related infection began to build up under my scalp!  The top of my head was all squishy and bulging, and it was really uncomfortable. The doctor removed the tumor, drained the fluid, and sent me home with medicine, and, paws crossed, it hasn't returned.  The doctor told mom and dad that it could possibly return- there was no guarantee it wouldn't- but so far so good.  I'm just making sure that mom and dad make the most of my time here with them. I think dad wants me to be with Isaac when it's my turn, but he and mom haven't really discussed this yet.

     Overall, I'm pretty healthy for a cat my age.  I do have some kidney issues, though.  We're keeping an eye on that.  I'm also stubborn and moody, and I do things MY way and in my own time.  I think this last part is how we all are, right?  Dad woke up in the middle of the night last night and found me stretched out and tucked neatly into the tight space between him and mom.  I thought it was funny because my butt was right under his nose, more or less!  He tucked my tail down, put his hand under his face, and went back to sleep. 


Thursday, September 1, 2011

My "Brother" Isaac

I said I'd get back to that sarcophagus I mentioned earlier, so here I am.  Though technically and historically a sarcophagus is made of stone or limestone, this one is carved from a heavy, solid wood.  It was given to dad by his youngest brother, who has been gone for a few years now.  I lived with him and his girlfriend for a while when dad couldn't have cats, and I miss him lots.  I used to climb up on him when he napped and curl up like I do with mom and dad now.
     Anyway, Isaac was my dad's best buddy for years, and he reached the age of about sixteen years.  Isaac was dad's faithful companion and, at times, his only friend, and they grew to be inseparable.  All of dad's kids loved Isaac, a tubby, black and gray domestic short-haired tabby, and it wasn't long before Isaac settled in as a permanent part of dad's family.  Isaac had seen it all over his lifetime with dad- kids, houses, marriages and divorces, and many, many moves.  Unfortunately, Isaac had a tumor growing below his left ear, and, in spite of attempts to treat it, it took Isaac away from dad.  Without his knowing it I found dad's account of Isaac's illness, and the following is an excerpt of that piece, which made me cry when I read it:

     I held up pretty well at the vet’s office,  wanting to get the necessary paperwork out of the way before bringing Isaac in, and when asked if I’d like to be with him during his final moments I responded with a shaky “Yes”, even though my legs were beginning to wobble.  As we tried to hold Isaac down on the table he kept turning and trying to climb up onto my shoulder, which had become a comfortable place for him over the years.  Sometimes, while in my apartment, we would just walk around, his paws on either side of my neck. 
     It was extremely difficult to watch him, clawing at the exam table, trying to get up onto my shoulder, and I began to wonder if I should’ve just left him off and drove away.  I helped hold and comfort Isaac, and as the doctor prepared to do his part I kissed Isaac on the forehead, and he and I just looked at each other- he with confusion in his eyes, and me with sadness in mine.
     When the doctor whispered “He’s gone,” after listening to Isaac’s tiny heart beat for the last time ever my heart sank to a depth I can’t even explain.  The doctor left the room and I was alone with Isaac, who I assured was now in a happier, more comfortable place, and I just sat there with him for about fifteen minutes, petting him, thinking about all the years of unquestioning companionship, and trying to dry my eyes.

     Well, that's it for now.  I have to go.  I'll pick up where I left off tomorrow, maybe.