"The Christmas Gift" Footnotes

 After opening a large, colorfully wrapped Christmas gift with her name on it, Smudge jittered with anticipation and could not be held back as she leapt towards her new toy.*

*Smudge lazily sauntered toward the toy many days after Christmas as if only just then discovering its existence, cautiously stepping onto it and sniffing it.

Smudge’s excitement could not be contained as she swatted the small red and white ball 'round the outer track first one way then the other. *

*After being shown how to swat the ball in its track, Smudge simply sat and looked off in the distance.

Back and forth the ball went, back and forth with the force of Smudge’s paw. Oh, how she swatted; the poor, helpless plastic orb couldn’t have known what hit it. *

*Smudge yawned once and continued looking off in the distance.

She swatted the ball again and again as if possessed and out of control. Cat mom and cat dad swore they could hear Smudge’s heart beating with joy as they looked to one another, happily, silently acknowledging that they’d done well.*

*The cat mom and cat dad were the ones who by now were acting possessed and out of control and continued flicking the ball 'round its track as Smudge yawned again.

And then Smudge discovered the catnip-laced scratching surface at the toy’s center. Sniffing and frolicking and buzzing like crazy, Smudge clawed and tore at the helpless, scented cardboard. *

*Smudge sniffed the 'nipped scratcher once, twice, then resumed her bored stare.

She rolled ‘round atop the toy, twisting her head this way and that, coating her ears and whiskers with the fine, flakey herb and by now higher than a kite. *

*High only with indifference and suddenly feeling the need to bathe.

Displaying an until-now unseen energy and spirit, Smudge pleased her cat mom and cat dad to no end with her youthful antics and boundless energy. *

*If youthful antics and boundless energy mean sitting, bathing and sitting some more.

“Smudgey, oh Smudgey!” “Just look at you play!” Overjoyed and near tears, Smudge’s cat mom and cat dad laughed and hugged each other as she rolled around, zooming with delight atop her precious new toy. *

*Cat mom and cat dad just stared as Smudge merely sat, staring back at them.

“Oh, just look at her go,” said cat dad. “She’s truly out of control,” added cat mom. They’d never, ever seen her so overflowing with kitten-like vigor. They knew they’d chosen the perfect gift for their old girl.*

*After sitting for a few minutes more, Smudge walked off her toy and hasn't been seen anywhere near it since. The cat mom and cat dad sighed, realizing they'd picked the wrong toy.

Footnote footnote: Sorry folks, I tried telling dad he wasn't funny. He's just mad because he thought he was being clever making fun of me. I told him it wouldn't work.