Happy Father's Day, Dad

Dear dad-

     Thank you for finding me on that sweltering summer day almost twenty (I forget, exactly) years ago, and taking me into your home.  I was sad that my siblings and I were separated, but we were all fortunate to have been given a chance at life instead of being left out there to bake in that hot sun.

     You have been blessed with many years of companionship, love and entertainment from one of the most interesting felines on the planet, and I know you would do it all over again if given the chance.  I have been so damn funny, cute and demanding, and have taught you just how lucky you are to be at my beck and call every single day of your otherwise miserable-without-an-awesome-cat-like-me existence.
     You and mom have adjusted your lifestyles to accommodate my every whim, and you can't imagine your lives without this handsome, sleek, dark and mysterious little old man by your side/on your lap/between you in bed/in your face, etc., etc., etc.
     Your lives would be nothing without the litter crumbs scattered here and there, the raunchy breath and drool puddles, the occasional freakish out-of-nowhere skittering from room to room at warp speed, and incessant vocalization.  


     Happy Father's Day, dad.  Here's to you.  I love you, and I can't think of anyone else I'd ever want for my dad.  Now get your ass out of that chair so I can have your warm spot.  Go get another coffee, fill my water dish, take a leak.  Something.  Anything.  Bye.