Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Not To Go Off On A Rant, But

Elder Statesman my ass!  Golden years?  What golden years?  I swear, if I get poked, prodded, injected, or gagged with a syringe filled with who the hell knows what one more time I'm going to have a fit.
     These past few weeks have been hell on this tired old bag 'o bones.  I'm pooping, I'm not pooping.  I'm pooping runny, I'm pooping too hard and struggling.  I'm eating, I'm not eating.  I'm drinking plenty, I need fluids under my skin! I'll tell you what gets under my skin!
     What are we on now- our fourth or fifth variety of "special" kidney diet canned food?  And how many dry versions of crap can there possibly be? Crap is crap, if you ask me. Low protein, ultra low protein, no protein- I just don't give a damn.

     Why can't they just let me be?  Have I really been that cranky, noisy and obnoxious since getting those teeth yanked?  What's that, mom? Don't answer that?  Whatever.
     You reach my age and you'll see- all I want is to be left alone.  Got that?  A-L-O-N-E!

     Okay, I'm done now.  Mom, dad, I know you're just trying to take care of me, but for crying out loud, give it a rest!!  
     You get my teeth fixed, then all hell breaks loose.  What's next?  Kidney transplant?  Full set of dentures?  Gonna transplant new claws to replace the ones you trim down so low?  Maybe reattach my long lost balls?

     Okay, sorry.  Guess I wasn't quite done yet.  But I am now, really.  Glad I have loving, caring parents who want to nurse me back to health so they can keep me kicking for another hundred years.

     Oh, nice.  On top of all this Blogger has decided to take a little vacation.  Hello?  Anyone there?  Those little tabs up there just for looks?  Hello? 

5 comments:

Eastside Cats said...

Oh Orbit! Glad to see you are back to normal...hahaha! It's no fun being a patient, but remember there is a lot of LUV behind every new can of food, bottle of pills, or pokie things. You da man, Orbit!

da tabbies o trout towne said...

dood...yea yur mom & dad do love ya man...but we heer ya on de stix N stabz junk...

hint...nice ree cliner chair, de ree mote cloze bye for ya ta watch, or knot... yur fav o rite channelz...few cold ones and snax tray fulla samiches for ewe wood REEEELY do de trix....hint....

oh...N nake sure yur chair iz leather ...ore haz yur best blanket at leest.....bee well buddy..♥♥♥

Kitties Blue said...

Wow Orbit...sounds pretty pawful to us. We know your humans just want you to feel better, but sometime's it is super hard to be a patient and be patient. Sending purrs and prayers. XO, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

Sparkle said...

What a bother humans can be, Orbit, making us kitties feel worse when they're trying to make us feel better! Bleagh, I say, bleagh to all of it. I do hope some of this annoyance DOES work, though!

William said...

I thought these people had hobbies and stuff! Don't they have to make a beach run or nine? Just tell 'em you can smell chowda and clam cakes, and that should get you a few hours of peace!